In the patriarchal society we live in, there are some familiar lines we get to hear in our day to day life spoken by the groom’s mother to her ill-mannered son (of marriageable age)- “Let your wife come, she will set you straight!”, “You will become responsible once you get married”, “There is only one remedy for your drinking/smoking problem- i.e. Marriage”, “you need to settle down to cease all your bad habits like late night partying.” People have blind faith that marriage is like a magic band that will fix everything.
In India, it’s a brutal reality that a woman is considered as a rehabilitation center for badly raised or ill-behaved men. We all have come across some incidents where a mother seems complaining that my son’s wife is not good as she failed to amend my son’s bad habit. Not only a man’s mother but people also blame a woman who is unable to change her husband or his habits or calls off her marriage. Everyone loves to question the woman but no one cares to ask about the man’s behavior.
In a country like India, a girl from a tender age has been given lessons on good family morals as one day she will become someone’s wife so she must learn what it is like to be a good woman, good wife, and a good mother.
A meaningful post is shared by Psychologist and parenting consultant Jaseena Backer’s who took Facebook to share the conversation she held with her domestic help where Jaseena herself requested to every woman to not fall in a trap of marriage to correct your man all the time.
Jaseena explained that the problem is not becoming a wife, it is setting the standard to become a wife rather than her own individual first. It’s suppressive and regressive.
She further wrote- Indian society has just given one gender the freedom to be careless, carefree, and disorganized. While the other to conform to the poised and acceptable behaviour expected of a good wife.
No uncles and grandfathers will talk to a man before marriage on being a good husband. While too many women are left to think their self-worth is dependent on their ability to cater to a man.
She ended her post saying: “Women, you are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men.
It is NOT your job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him.
You want a partner, not a project.”
Read her full post here- https://m.facebook.com/JaseenaB/posts/10215661559476010
In order to find Sanskari Bahus, we must ensure that a man should have Sanskars as well before getting married. How much of you agree that a woman is not a rehabilitation centre for a badly raised man? Do share your views in the comment section below.